Sleep Laughing

I have been getting the best sleep lately! Falling asleep quickly, waking up rested. Two times in the last week have I awakened before my alarm, but not from a train, or the dogs, or my cat stabbing me in the eye. This week, I am waking up from laughing too loudly. Head buried under the covers, running in place in my bed, just watching the show and giggling.

There is a reason for this. I just got new pajamas. They are as close to real satin as Walmart gets. They are blue. I love them. I would live in them if I could. I don’t know if they would be considered sexy, but they are more so than any other jammies I’ve ever had - at least until about 2 or 3 in the morning.

These pj’s create static. Not uncomfortable stick to your legs kind of static, but shooting blue lighting through my sheets kind of static. The first night I thought it was a dream, but the next time it happened, I jumped out of bed and my body looked like a light show. Blue flashes streaking all over me. I couldn’t feel it; it wasn’t like the shock of static tag on the trampoline, it was just way cool.

This and the ‘lunch time next to the river’ naps I’ve been taking, have made sleep my favorite pastime.

Disney Spring Day

Today was Disney spring. Outside bees are buzzing, robins are twitterpated, and actual flower petals are flying through the air! It's beautiful. Up on campus the couples are going crazy. It's almost as though if they aren't touching each other in some fashion, the other will disappear forever. Oh wait. That's not spring. That's BYU.

But even they can't gross me out of wishing that I had someone to interdigitize* with in more appropriate and less public places. But alas, I am alone in Provo with only emails to look forward to sending wishes of a change in geography. Yeah, I wish Utah were closer too. I wish YOU were closer. If flower petals in the air aren't a good enough reason to get on a plane, I don't know what is.

And speaking of Disney, I have Cinderella slippers! I bought them today. Clear and sparkly with a tall glass (ok plastic) heel. I pretty much love them. I would only drop one to catch a prince if he promised to bring it right back to me. Otherwise, not worth it.

Now before the sun sets to an Elton John song and the owls start talking, I'm going to do a magical load of laundry.


*Interdigitation is to hold hands every other finger with the other person. Stop being dirty. This is Disney.

Conversation #3

Conversation about how I may be getting back into BYU

d: I remember when they kicked me out. I leaned over the desk and told the guy I was going to come over and ring his neck!
n: Gee, and they didn’t let you back in?
d: He already kicked me out! And I said I had problems and wanted counseling and he just said “no”, so I said I’d kill him.
n: So instead of going through the appropriate channels, you decided to threaten the guy?
d: I didn’t know about petitions. Besides, that’s what the government taught me to do.
n: I have no doubt that the government taught you some very violent things, but it didn’t take away your ability to control yourself and be appropriate.
d: (Stretching and shrugging at the same time) Well, I’m pretty sure the guy pissed himself.
n: (To myself) Then I guess you won.

Conversation #2

Conversation about a lesson I was planning for Relief Society:

n: There’s too much information, but I don’t know what to cut.
d: You could cut 90% of that.
n: No I can’t. It’s there for a reason, it’s important.
d: 85% of people in the church are morons and they won’t know what you’re talking about anyway.
n: 85% of people who make up statistics are morons. (this was said in a nice way, he’s my dad, we can make fun of each other)
d: You’re gonna teach this class about resurrection and 2 people will understand what you’re saying and the rest will want to tell stories about their Aunt Bertha who came back to visit them.
n: Maybe 1 person will have a story like that, but as a teacher, I don’t have to let them tell it.
d: I’ve taught every class there is to teach in the church from primary through high priesthood, and NOBODY understands the lessons. That’s why we keep teaching the same thing.
n: And yet you knew it well enough to teach it and you decided it wasn’t true.
d: I never said it wasn’t true!
n: Dad, yes you did. You said the church wasn’t true, God didn’t exist, and Joseph Smith was (and I am quoting here, so please forgive me) full of shit. You said that while teaching a priesthood lesson.
d: (Smiling) Joseph Smith was full of shit.
n: Then the church isn’t true.
d: I didn’t say that.
n: You can’t have it both ways.
d: (Shrugs)

Good Conversations Gone Bad

Here are some of the conversations I had with my dad this weekend. I am posting them separately because they are a little long.


#1
Conversation about my brother and girlfriend (turned conversation about mom and Bob):

n: He's nice to me even when she's not watching. He's just a good guy.
d: Yeah, he knows how to treat ladies special. I hope he learned that from me.
n: I think he did, dad.
d: There's only one woman I've ever wanted to up and hit, and that was your mom. But I couldn't, so I left.
n: ...
d: The more your mom writes to me about Bob, the more I think she found a clone of her father and married him.
n: Mom writes to you about Bob?
d: When I meet him, I'm gonna hit him.
n: Why?
d: He stole my life! I was happy...
n: You were not happy.
d: Excuse me?! I was happy! And he stole my life.
n: You were not. And if anything, she gave it to him. He didn't steal anything.
d: It takes two to commit adultery, and I can't hit your mom, so when I meet Bob, I'm gonna hit him.
n: When are you going to meet Bob?
d: There will be weddings coming up.

Saturday at the VA

I know I've covered this topic before, but I wanted to post part of a letter I wrote to a friend today.

I plan to follow up with specific stories from the day. I only hope my dad doesn't read this site. None of this is meant to be hurtful, but it probably would be. This site is for me. This is me. This is my dad.


"I was going to rest on Saturday, but then my dad needed me to take him to the hospital. He's a vet so we had to go to the VA hospital in Salt Lake. It was an hour drive each way, 4 hours waiting to see a doctor, 2 hours for testing, and then he insisted on buying me dinner. I love my dad, but sometimes 20 min. with him can be too much. That was a really long day.

"My dad is crazy. Not silly crazy, but 'gets checked into mental hospitals' crazy. He was very normal when we were growing up, there would be an occasional flashback of Vietnam, but he insists that he has always been as bad as he is now. I don't believe him. When my parents got divorced, Dad moved out to Utah to be near my brother and sister, and because he had lived here before and it was familiar. He started going to the VA for support groups. Suddenly he could talk about nothing but Vietnam. He said it was part of the healing. But now, 3 years later, he can't keep up a conversation that isn't about 'nam, war, government conspiracies, his divorce, violence and post-traumatic stress disorder. He blames everything on PTSD. He sits at home all day living off the government and plotting how he will hit my mom's new husband when they meet. "When are you ever going to meet Bob, Dad?" "We'll have weddings coming up." Great idea. Please come to my brother's wedding and try to beat up Bob. That will really make the day special.

"I used to feel sorry for him, but after a full day of trying to help him understand that some of the things he says are inappropriate, I've realized he's become completely selfish. He won't change. Everyone else should change to accommodate him. His life is ruined because of Vietnam. His life is ruined because of my mom and Bob. His life is ruined because of the government and the church and the cable company and whoever is picking on him lately, but it is never his fault. And he sits around and feels sorry for himself and plots revenge and doesn't have room for anything else.

"I used to think I was helping him by listening to his gory stories about Vietnam, but I'm only damaging myself. Anyway, the point of all that was to explain why I was so worn out after Saturday.

"The dad that reminds me of Eddie from The Five People You Meet In Heaven, is the dad I grew up with. We knew he had been in a war, but he never talked about it. He would get depressed and Mom would tell us he was sad and we should leave him alone. He never had a good relationship with his dad. When his dad died, it was the first time I ever saw him cry. Little kids love him. When they pull on his beard, he makes goat noises and they scream and giggle and do it again. He used to walk with a cane and he would poke the deacons with it if they were noisy at church, but they liked him anyway. That's why that book made me cry. I miss my old dad."

My kitten became a real cat

Last night, my kitten caught her first mouse.

She used to be very afraid of them, but now, she will defend the house against all rodent intruders.

I was so proud.

And grossed out. She kinda started eating it in my room.

At least she didn't leave it on my pillow.